Adeyemi Books

No One Heard My Cry

Chapter One
Family Dysfunction Triggers Negative Behavior

During much of my early life, I did not receive the love, respect, and nurturing that children need in order to feel positive about themselves and eventually succeed.  My negative self-image was directly related to my family’s negative dynamics.  In my family each member had a role to play that contributed to the continuous dysfunction.  I believe my role was critical in that my misbehavior and displays of anger helped keep the family together.  I was the one who react most heatedly to our family’s unhealthy dynamic, and when I acted out, I was led to believe that I was the problem and, therefore, the blame for the dysfunction.  As long as the family focused on me as their biggest concern, they were able to distance themselves from the real problem, which was parents’ relationships … with each other and their children.

As a result of my early exposure to violence, disregard, and lack of affection, I was infused with anger.  I was always getting into trouble for having done something wrong or said something wrong to another family member.  But in reality I was merely emulating my parents’ behavior by treating people the way I saw my parents treat each other … and me.  My anger grew out of the treatment I received at the hands of my parents.  My anger held me back in school and in life.

My family did not discuss feelings … about anything.  In an attempt to be heard, I cried out for help by expressing my fury through my behavior, but as it always turned out, my anger got me into deeper trouble. My anger was my voice; it was the only way I could communicate my feelings to others.  While I was being pressured to respect everyone else’s feelings, mine continued to go unnoticed.  Even though I was often right about what I noticed and felt, I was made to believe I was wrong.  As a result, it became easy for me to respect everyone else’s feelings and desires but disregard my own because that’s what I had learned to do.  That’s what I was accustomed to.

My childhood experiences triggered failure in many aspects of my life.  Without a positive self-image, a feeling of self-worth, and the confidence to persevere, it is difficult to succeed in school, relationships, and work.

The disregard I had for my own feelings became evident as I grew older.  For example, I chose to stay in a ten-year relationship that was similar to my parents’.  As a result of witnessing my father’s violence toward my mother, I feared violent behavior; but my negative self-image enabled me to accept the same mistreatment and disrespect……..

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